Hi everyone, Shalom Aleichem!
Good evening GanSist everyone! 
Welcome back to Superwoman Seriesthe 124th, namely a series that discusses how women can be strong from various sides, both physically, mentally, socially and spiritually.
Dating is a part of life that many people live. Romantic relationships can be a means to get to know each other, learn to communicate, build commitment, and grow together towards a more mature relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a partner.
However, a healthy relationship is not only determined by liking or love. The purpose behind the relationship also determines whether the relationship will bring benefits or cause problems.
In psychology, a person’s motivation for entering a relationship has an influence on the quality of the relationship, satisfaction, ability to deal with conflict, and even the mental health of both parties. If the initial goal is less than healthy, the relationship often turns into a place of escape, emotional dependency, or even a new source of stress.
Therefore, before starting a relationship, it is important to ask yourself, “Why do you want to date?” If the answer is only for the following 4 reasons, maybe it’s time to reflect first.
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1. Escape from problems
Some people hope that a romantic relationship can relieve loneliness, heal past wounds, remove the stress of life, or make all problems feel lighter. Hopes like these sound romantic, but they are often unrealistic.
Problems that aren’t resolved before getting into a relationship usually don’t go away. Instead, these problems often creep into the relationship. Someone who has not been able to manage anxiety, anger, insecurity, or personal conflict tends to carry this burden onto their partner. As a result, partners slowly change their function from life partners to emotional trash cans.
In fact, no human being is capable of being a savior for other people’s lives all the time. A healthy relationship is not an escape from reality. A healthy relationship is where two people strengthen each other while remaining responsible for each other’s lives. Facing problems head-on, finding solutions, learning to manage emotions, and seeking professional help when needed are much healthier steps than hoping a romantic relationship will solve everything.
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2. Romanticizing the attitude of not being independent
Popular culture often depicts love as a state when a person cannot live without their partner. Phrases like “I can’t live without you” or “my life depends on you” are often considered expressions of deep love. In fact, in relationship psychology, excessive dependence can actually be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Independence does not mean not needing other people. Independence means remaining able to make decisions, manage emotions, fulfill responsibilities, and develop oneself without having to always depend on a partner.
A good relationship does not eliminate personal identity. On the other hand, a good relationship gives both people room to continue to grow. A strong woman is not a woman who always waits for her partner to solve every problem. On the other hand, strong women are able to stand on their own abilities, while still opening up space to work together with the people they love. Love is not a reason to stop being an independent person.
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3. Empathize in the wrong way
Empathy is a very important skill in every relationship. However, empathy is different from people pleasing, namely the tendency to always please other people at the expense of one’s own needs, self-esteem, or boundaries.
Some people are afraid to say “no” because they worry that their partner will get angry. Others continue to give in even though they are treated unfairly. There are also those who feel they must always be available whenever their partner wants them, even if they themselves are tired. This kind of behavior is often misinterpreted as evidence of affection. In fact, healthy relationships require healthy boundaries too.
Respecting your partner does not mean erasing self-respect. Psychology shows that the ability to set boundaries is an important part of mental health and relationship quality.
People who are able to say “no” politely when necessary tend to have more stable relationships than those who always suppress their own needs. Healthy empathy helps others grow. People pleasing often maintain an unbalanced relationship pattern.
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4. Waste of time and opportunities
There are also people who date simply because they feel bored. There are those who use relationships only as entertainment. There are also those who simply follow environmental pressure because almost all their friends already have partners.
Relationships like this often lose direction. There is no goal to get to know each other more deeply. There is no commitment to mutual development. There is no process of building a future together. All there is is wasting time without a clear direction.
In fact, youth is a very valuable period for building education, career, creativity, health, social relations and empathy. Healthy relationships should support all of these processes, rather than hinder them.
If a relationship causes someone to lose learning opportunities, lose productivity, move away from family, neglect friendships, or abandon dreams, the relationship deserves evaluation. A good partner doesn’t ask us to stop growing. On the contrary, he provides support so that we become better individuals.
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Healthy Relationships Start with Yourself
Many studies show that the quality of a romantic relationship is greatly influenced by the quality of the person in it. The ability to control emotions, communicate openly, respect boundaries, resolve conflicts healthily, and have clear life goals are important foundations in long-term relationships. This means that before looking for the right partner, someone also needs to try to become the right person.
This does not mean someone has to be perfect first. Nobody is perfect. However, the willingness to continue learning, improving oneself, and being responsible for one’s own life is a much more valuable asset than just the status of having a partner.
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CLOSURE
Dating is not just about having someone who always accompanies you. A healthy romantic relationship is a space for growth, learning to respect each other, and building a better future together. Therefore, the goal of being in a relationship should not simply be an escape from problems, an excuse to depend on others, an unhealthy form of self-sacrifice, or a way to spend time without direction.
Superwoman understands that true power comes not from relationship status, but from the quality of attitude. Strong women dare to face their own problems, try to be independent individuals, are able to empathize without losing self-esteem, and use their time to continue to develop. When he finally chose to be in a relationship, he did not do it because he needed someone to complete his life, but because he wanted to share his life journey with someone who was growing together.
A healthy relationship does not reduce a woman’s strength. Instead, a healthy relationship is a place where two equally mature individuals support each other to become the best versions of themselves.
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SOURCE
American Psychological Association. (2023). Healthy relationships and mental health. https://www.apa.org
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self‐determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4)227-268.
Feeney, B. C., & Collins, N. L. (2015). A new look at social support: A theoretical perspective on thriving through relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 19(2)113-147.
Mayo Clinic. (2024). Stress symptoms: Effects on your body and behavior. https://www.mayoclinic.org
Norcross, J. C., & Lambert, M. J. (2019). Psychotherapy relationships that work(3rd ed.). Oxford University Press.
Overall, N. C., Fletcher, G. J. O., & Simpson, J. A. (2006). Regulation processes in intimate relationships: The role of ideal standards. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(4)662-685.
Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2017). Self-determination theory: Basic psychological needs in motivation, development, and wellness. Guilford Press.
World Health Organization. (2022). Mental health and well-being. https://www.who.int
Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide. Guilford Press.
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