Hi everyone, Shalom Aleichem!
Good afternoon GanSist everyone!
Welcome back to Supergirl Seriesthe 16th, a series of threads discussing how teenage girls aged 12–18 years can grow into strong individuals physically, mentally, socially and spiritually.
In the previous 15 series, we have discussed various basics of a teenage girl’s life, starting from the importance of sports, health, education, mental toughness, character, self-control, to learning from inspirational figures. All of these discussions actually lead to one goal, namely creating a Supergirl who is not only smart and healthy, but also has a tough mentality.
In the era of social media, many people look strong only on their gadget screens. They appear confident through the photos they upload, but give up easily when faced with failure. There are also those who look perfect from the outside, but are fragile when they receive criticism or experience rejection.
However, real life doesn’t always go according to plan. One day we may get a bad grade. One day we may lose after participating in a swimming competition. One day we may be rejected when applying for a scholarship. One day we may lose someone we love. All of that is part of life.
Therefore, having a steely mentality does not mean never crying or never feeling sad. A steely mentality means being able to bounce back after experiencing difficulties.
In psychology, this ability is known as resilience, namely a person’s ability to adapt positively when facing pressure, challenges or failure.
So, how do you build a strong mentality as a teenager? Here are 5 ways you can start implementing them.
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1. Dare to face difficulties, don’t always look for shortcuts
In Supergirl Series #10, we discussed turning stones into bread, namely the human tendency to look for instant solutions without wanting to go through the process.
The habit of looking for shortcuts actually makes you mentally fragile. Why? Because, a person never learns to face difficulties.
Imagine two teenagers. The first teenager is always helped to solve all his problems. The second teenager learns to solve problems little by little, of course with the guidance of parents and teachers. Who is better prepared for adult life? The answer is of course the second teenager.
Difficulty is not the enemy. Difficulty is a training ground. When we learn to face challenges, the brain also learns to build new strategies, improves the ability to control emotions, and strengthens self-confidence. That doesn’t mean we have to look for problems. However, when problems come, don’t immediately give up. Every challenge we successfully overcome will strengthen our mentality.
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2. Be disciplined in doing small things every day
Often people think that mental strength is built through big events. In fact, it is precisely small habits every day that shape personality into adulthood.
For example, waking up on time, making the bed, completing school assignments before the deadline, trying new arts regularly, reading books every day, and limiting the use of social media. These simple habits train self-discipline.
Psychology refers to this ability as self-regulationnamely the ability to regulate thoughts, emotions and behavior so that they remain in accordance with the goals to be achieved.
Teenagers who are used to discipline are usually better able to deal with pressure when they grow up. Why? Because, they are used to doing something even though they don’t want to do it.
Discipline is not about punishment. Discipline is training to become a trustworthy person.
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3. Make Failure a Teacher, Not an Enemy
There is no successful person who never fails. Scientists have failed experiments. Athletes have lost games. K-pop dancers were once rejected from auditions. Novel writers have experienced manuscripts that were not published. What differentiates them is not the number of failures, but rather the way they respond to failure.
Psychologist Carol Dweck explains the concept growth mindsetnamely the belief that a person’s abilities can develop through practice, effort and experience. With this mindset, failure is viewed as an opportunity to learn.
On the other hand, if someone views failure as the end of everything, they will give up more easily.
For teenage girls, this mindset is very important. Poor test scores do not mean you are not intelligent. Not being successful in a competition does not mean you are not talented. Being rejected from a modern dance audition doesn’t mean you don’t have potential. All of these experiences can be used as evaluation material for development.
Mental steel is born when someone is able to say that today he has not succeeded, but he will learn to be better.
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4. Surround Yourself With Uplifting People
In Supergirl Series #11, we discussed the importance of having good friends. The environment has a huge influence on the mental development of teenagers.
If someone is constantly in an environment full of teasing, negative behavior, or bad habits, it will be more difficult for them to develop.
On the other hand, a positive environment will help someone be more confident, more motivated, easier to learn, and healthier emotionally.
This doesn’t mean we should only be friends with people who always agree with us. Good friends actually dare to remind us when we make mistakes.
Look for friends who study hard, are honest, don’t like bullying other people, want to grow together, and always respect other people.
A healthy environment does not make life free from problems, but it makes us stronger in facing them.
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5. Build a Life of Faith and Wisdom
Apart from physical and mental health, the Supergirl Series also always emphasizes the importance of spiritual strength.
In Supergirl Series #2, we discuss the importance of building the habit of faith as a teenager.
Why is the spiritual aspect important? Because human beings are not only biological and social beings, but also beings who live based on wisdom and morality.
Various studies show that a healthy life of faith can be associated with higher levels of gratitude, better emotional control, stronger hope, and resilience in dealing with stress.
Apart from that, having wisdom also helps a person survive when facing difficulties. If someone knows why they learn, why they struggle, and why they want to become a better person, they will find it easier to survive when they face obstacles. Wisdom gives direction. Faith gives strength. Both complement each other in forming a strong person.
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A Steel Mentality Is Not The Same As Hiding Emotions
There is one misunderstanding that arises quite often. Some people think that being mentally strong means not being able to cry.
However, this assumption is not correct. Every human being has emotions. Sadness, disappointment, fear and anger are a normal part of life. The important thing is not to eliminate emotions, but to manage them in a healthy way.
If you are facing a problem that feels very serious, don’t hesitate to talk to your parents, teacher, school counselor, religious leader, trusted friend, or psychologist if necessary.
Asking for help does not mean being weak. In fact, people who are able to ask for help at the right time show a humane attitude.
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Become a Fighter in Everyday Life
When they hear the word “warrior”, many people imagine someone on the battlefield. In fact, in everyday life, everyone also has their own struggles. A teenager who continues to study despite experiencing economic difficulties is a fighter. Teenagers who rise after failing to enter their dream school are warriors. Teenagers who continue to try to improve themselves after making mistakes are also fighters.
A warrior’s spirit is not measured by the hardness of his heart. The warrior spirit is measured by the willingness to keep going even though the path is not easy.
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CLOSURE
Sis, being a girl with a steely mentality doesn’t mean being someone who never gets tired or never cries. On the other hand, mental steel means having the ability to rise every time life presents challenges.
Five steps you can start taking as a teenager are:
1. Dare to face difficulties without looking for shortcuts
2. Be disciplined in implementing good habits every day
3. Turn failure into a learning opportunity
4. Choose a positive friendship environment
5. Building a life of faith and wisdom
All these habits will not produce results overnight. However, if done consistently, little by little it will form a strong personality.
That is the main spirit of the Supergirl Series, namely to form young women who are physically healthy, mentally humane, socially caring and spiritually strong.
Because, in the end, the strongest women are not those who never fall, but those who always choose to rise whenever they face difficulties.
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SOURCE
American Psychological Association. (2023). Building your resilience. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience
Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W. H. Freeman.
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
Masten, A. S. (2014). Ordinary magic: Resilience in development. Guilford Press.
Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. E. P. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. Oxford University Press.
Steinberg, L. (2017). Adolescence(11th ed.). McGraw-Hill Education.
World Health Organization. (2024). Adolescent health. World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/health-topics/ad…lescent-health
Zimmerman, B. J. (2000). Attaining self-regulation: A social cognitive perspective. In M. Boekaerts, P. R. Pintrich, & M. Zeidner (Eds.), Handbook of self-regulation (hlm. 13–39). Academic Press.
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